his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
