Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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