somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
