i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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