you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
