So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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