Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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