Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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