i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
