i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
