You can't special order awesome
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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