i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
