Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
