Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
