I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My feet surprised me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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