talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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