we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
