Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
