**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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