my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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