I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
