fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
