New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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