There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
