it was like eating out sand paper
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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