White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
