I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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