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please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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