I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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