After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
