If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize