yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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