Buhtt sex?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Randomize
