I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
