I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
