The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
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It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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