I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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