Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
