VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
