Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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