I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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