Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
