Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
