I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
