Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
