is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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