would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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