You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
