wakey wakey hands off snakey
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
