best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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