Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
