Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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