Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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