well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
