she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
