I just saw a hot homeless man
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
