I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
