I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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