Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
