My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
