You made me cry and you don't even care
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
