If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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