your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
