my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
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wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?