Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them

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  (760): i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them http://tfl.nu/jlgr
  Replies (7) Good night (694) Bad night (1828)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart

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  (912): just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart http://tfl.nu/ug8y
  Replies (27) Good night (17355) Bad night (1184)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.

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  (304): i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me. http://tfl.nu/6um2
  Replies (22) Good night (4244) Bad night (735)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!

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  (915): My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!! http://tfl.nu/a7ta
  Replies (22) Good night (6236) Bad night (744)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.

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  (870): She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call. http://tfl.nu/dsl8
  Replies (8) Good night (940) Bad night (4327)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.

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  (304): He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated. http://tfl.nu/okg6
  Replies (8) Good night (3346) Bad night (1417)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion

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  (406): I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion http://tfl.nu/tw2a
  Replies (2) Good night (2883) Bad night (1206)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I have surprise drugs for everyone

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  (404): I have surprise drugs for everyone http://tfl.nu/7gjj
  Replies (11) Good night (2893) Bad night (1020)
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  (351): View more from Massachusetts

  the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.

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  (351): the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me. http://tfl.nu/s3y3
  Replies (5) Good night (4540) Bad night (1386)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.

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  (479): I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him. http://tfl.nu/81m9
  Replies (9) Good night (1626) Bad night (620)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.

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  (202): Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head. http://tfl.nu/ntvr
  Replies (3) Good night (862) Bad night (360)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.

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  (604): Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break. http://tfl.nu/w4c5
  Replies (0) Good night (488) Bad night (331)
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  (315): View more from New York

  he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.

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  (315): he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed. http://tfl.nu/gyqg
  Replies (1) Good night (492) Bad night (549)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.

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  (224): I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch. http://tfl.nu/5a72
  Replies (6) Good night (305) Bad night (565)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.

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  (514): Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon. http://tfl.nu/0uk6
  Replies (3) Good night (586) Bad night (187)

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