Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.