I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
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you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake