Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.