Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
