i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
