I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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