There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
