We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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