She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
