Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
