on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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